Non-profit Administration

My dream job, I suppose... would be something strongly resembling my MCO experience.  Using my logistics and admin skills to create events and programs that would benefit the community with non-profit work and lots of volunteers.  Trying to create some healing in a world of brokenness.

Taking Criticism

I have serious issues with taking criticism.  I guess it's because my self-identity is so fragile and I'm terrified of being inadequate.  I need to remember that it's perfectly OK that I am not perfect... that no one expects me to be perfect.  I expect myself to be perfect from day one of being on the job or day one of being a wife or day one of being an adult.  I'm only 23, five months married, and my next job will be a completely brand-new start.  The mistakes I make are growing pains, learning experiences, they mean I am trying.  When someone gives me constructive criticism, I can think "Ok, I will do better next time" instead of "I'm a failure! Look at all these times I've been doing this wrong already! I've messed everything up!"  That also ties in with what I read last night about my all-or-nothing thinking.... making a mistake does not mean I have FAILED at everything.  What did they call that?  Global negatives or something?

Anxiety & Self-Esteem

My counselor says my issues are mostly with self-esteem and not being differentiated from my parents still.  I take stronger people's judgement/advice/guilt/everything and absorb it because I'm not strong enough to be my own person. 

I am afraid a lot and wonder somedays if Jared would be happier without me.