Hunger

I was thinking today about hunger...

I often get mad at myself for not being more energetic, more steady, for crumbling up into a little ball every once in a while.  Why can't I be stronger?  Why did God create me with a mind and body that "gives out" at times.  I want to conquer and be!  And I remembered today that God sends us things like hunger to remind us that we are so frail, so temporary, and need constant sustenance, rest, and breaks to continue on with today and make it to tomorrow.  I was not made to be invincible, even though I trick myself into believing that I SHOULD be, that it is my fault that I am not, and I often kick myself for not being more than I am.  I was not made to be invincible.  I was thinking today, why did God design our bodies to need food at several times during the day?  One giant meal does not sustain like several small ones; one huge weekly meal on a Monday will not satiate the hunger that comes days or even hours later.  We must eat small meals -- often.  I am reminded that I am frail, and weak, and temporal, and it is OK -- for that was God's design for me.

I need to stop comparing myself to others.  I either beat myself up silly over it or question God and ask him why am I not more like so-and-so, who never seems to break down, or get angry, or be selfish consistently even in their best-laid efforts to be selfless.

God created me to be who I am.  I am not perfect, nor will I attain such status in this lifetime.  God is making me new, slowly chipping away at all the things that crust over my heart and keep me selfish and ornery.   I am here for the journey -- a work in progress.  God, remind me daily to submit to you and take each day one at a time.  I am afraid, at times, to relinquish my control and INVITE you to change me... I know it will hurt and it will be hard.  But I trust you to carry me, to hold my hand when I am afraid, and that in the end it be so much better this way.  Thank you, Father.

Give me this day my daily bread...